So, first, a little piece of that story I don't think I mentioned the first time around. Right after I prayed for Greg at Breathe Festival 2012, he told me that things might have felt better, but he wasn't completely sure. About that time, I felt like I heard God say "Don't stop asking" (and for those of you who've never had an experience where you've heard something from God, it's about as odd as it sounds).
Anyway, I thought at the time that that meant "Don't stop asking for healing for Greg," even after Breathe was over. So I kept praying for him for several weeks. But when I talked to Greg at Breath 2013, he seemed to think it happened right then and there during Breathe 2012. So that got me thinking, if he was already healed in July, why would God have me keep praying for him through August?
It seriously took me until a few weeks ago (and Breathe 2013 was in July), to think of a good answer to that question: maybe He didn't mean "Don't stop asking for healing for Greg," but rather "Don't stop asking for healing." Period. As in never. As in "Don't stop asking for me to do what I've now show you that I can and am willing to do."
But that's not easy. Especially because that whole experience almost seems like a dream. Like it didn't really happen, or didn't happen to me. Like it was just a story, and not a real experience. Like it was a one-time thing that won't ever happen again. I asked for healing a number of times since then, but quite honestly, I'm filled with doubt that God really wants to use me again. And worse, each time nothing happens, I feel like I'm letting Him down with my lack of faith, like it's my fault they're not healed. Like I need to do more.
And I know God is not a force, but a person. He is not made to do my bidding through the incantations of nice-sounding words and "a sincere heart." No. Those miraculous blessings are gifts. We receive them because we ask, and we are His children, and He loves us. That's all. It's that simple, and I know that. Or at least I think I do.
But I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
And I'm getting discouraged.
Monday, November 18, 2013
That Story I Already Posted: Now In Video Form!
So, back in July I wrote a post called It's Just Like Me about this crazy experience I had. Anyway, here is a video to me telling an abbreviated version of that same story. Yeah, I know, it's kind of a cop-out of a post, but I felt like I should share it anyhow.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Order and Chaos
LEARNING is a way of making order in the mind out of chaos in the world.
WORKING is a way of making order in the world out of chaos in the world.
CREATING is a way of making order in the world out of chaos in the mind.
REFLECTING is a way of making order in the mind out of chaos in the mind.
WORKING is a way of making order in the world out of chaos in the world.
CREATING is a way of making order in the world out of chaos in the mind.
REFLECTING is a way of making order in the mind out of chaos in the mind.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Honduras Aquaponics
This May, I was not with the rest of the 2013 class at OSU receiving my BS in Mechanical Engineering; I was in a rural village in Honduras.
As a graduating senior this past school year, I had a capstone project. I chose the multidisciplinary capstone, which simply means that not all of my teammates were mechanical engineers, and we received a more interesting project.
There were six of us, and not one of us knew much about aquaponics (I for one had never heard of it). But we read a book about it learned that it's a way of growing fish and plants together such that the fish provide nutrients for the plants, and the plants clean the water for the fish (with the help of some bacteria).
By February we had designed a system that we could build out of materials locally available in Honduras (no easy task). We built a prototype on OSU's west campus in March and got it up and running with fish and plants. As May approached, we were fairly confident we would be able to build a working system in Honduras.
Of the six team members, three weren't able to go to Honduras due to prior obligations and visa troubles. The three remaining team members, our faculty project advisor and a translator departed on the first Saturday in May. Graduation was on Sunday.
We faced a number of hurdles, not the least of which were several bouts of traveller's diarrhea, one case of heat exhaustion, and procuring gravel (which we had been assured from the start would not be a problem). In addition, the plastic liner of the fish pond had a hole (which we didn't realize until it was partially full). Then when we got the new liner, we inspected it, found no holes and filled it... only to realize that it was leaking, too! Ultimately we just patched the original liner.
However, we also received immense help from the Overholts, who are missionaries down there and who graciously shuttled us and all our building materials from the hotel to the worksite and back. But what blew me away was the help we got from Carlos, on whose land we were building the system, and the other residents of Siete de Mayo (the village). When we started digging, they grabbed a shovel. Within our first two days there, they taught us a considerable amount about how we would build the system. As we worked together, they asked us questions about how the system was going to work, what they would need to do to maintain it, what they could grow in it, etc. Before we were remotely close to finishing, one man in the village even asked us how he could get on in his land, telling us he had the money to buy it. Their help and enthusiasm for the project has me convinced that they won't allow the system to go the way of so many humanitarian endeavors and break down, but will maintain the system and possibly even spread the idea of aquaponics. We really couldn't have asked for better people to build it for.
Mid-May we planted beans and cucumbers (among other things). Partway through July, Carlos began harvesting full-grown cucumbers and beans (for those of you who don't garden, that's pretty quick for a non-commercial setup). And given that the temperature and hours of daylight don't vary widely during the year, they should be able to continue growing vegetables at that pace (provided they are able to keep it filled with water during the dry season, October to May).
Since then, I personally (not to mention my teammates) have been contacted by more than one person about doing more projects related to aquaponics. I'm so excited about what the future may hold!
As a graduating senior this past school year, I had a capstone project. I chose the multidisciplinary capstone, which simply means that not all of my teammates were mechanical engineers, and we received a more interesting project.
There were six of us, and not one of us knew much about aquaponics (I for one had never heard of it). But we read a book about it learned that it's a way of growing fish and plants together such that the fish provide nutrients for the plants, and the plants clean the water for the fish (with the help of some bacteria).
By February we had designed a system that we could build out of materials locally available in Honduras (no easy task). We built a prototype on OSU's west campus in March and got it up and running with fish and plants. As May approached, we were fairly confident we would be able to build a working system in Honduras.
Of the six team members, three weren't able to go to Honduras due to prior obligations and visa troubles. The three remaining team members, our faculty project advisor and a translator departed on the first Saturday in May. Graduation was on Sunday.
We faced a number of hurdles, not the least of which were several bouts of traveller's diarrhea, one case of heat exhaustion, and procuring gravel (which we had been assured from the start would not be a problem). In addition, the plastic liner of the fish pond had a hole (which we didn't realize until it was partially full). Then when we got the new liner, we inspected it, found no holes and filled it... only to realize that it was leaking, too! Ultimately we just patched the original liner.
However, we also received immense help from the Overholts, who are missionaries down there and who graciously shuttled us and all our building materials from the hotel to the worksite and back. But what blew me away was the help we got from Carlos, on whose land we were building the system, and the other residents of Siete de Mayo (the village). When we started digging, they grabbed a shovel. Within our first two days there, they taught us a considerable amount about how we would build the system. As we worked together, they asked us questions about how the system was going to work, what they would need to do to maintain it, what they could grow in it, etc. Before we were remotely close to finishing, one man in the village even asked us how he could get on in his land, telling us he had the money to buy it. Their help and enthusiasm for the project has me convinced that they won't allow the system to go the way of so many humanitarian endeavors and break down, but will maintain the system and possibly even spread the idea of aquaponics. We really couldn't have asked for better people to build it for.
Mid-May we planted beans and cucumbers (among other things). Partway through July, Carlos began harvesting full-grown cucumbers and beans (for those of you who don't garden, that's pretty quick for a non-commercial setup). And given that the temperature and hours of daylight don't vary widely during the year, they should be able to continue growing vegetables at that pace (provided they are able to keep it filled with water during the dry season, October to May).
Since then, I personally (not to mention my teammates) have been contacted by more than one person about doing more projects related to aquaponics. I'm so excited about what the future may hold!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Lifeguarding and Car Accidents
There are car accidents on our corner ALL THE TIME.
The people coming down our street get to the 2-way stop, and can't see the cross-traffic (which doesn't stop, as it says just below the stop sign). So instead, many people just gun it and hope for the best. Most of the time this works. Most of the time.
In the two years we've been in this townhouse, I've been on the scene of probably five accidents at this intersection, and heard of several others from the other folks who live in the area.
Case in point: Tuesday morning, I went out on my porch in the morning before work to soak up some fresh air. I'd been out there no more than a minute when I heard screeching tires. I looked over to see a taxi smashing into the side of a red sedan.
Immediately, I threw on some shoes and then ran over to see if anyone was hurt. Per usual - and thankfully - no one was. After that, I went back inside to get some water bottles from the fridge, placed there for just such occasions (which just goes to show again how often these accidents occur).
Anyway, I was thinking about that situation later that day. How was I able to jump into action instantly when I saw the crash? I don't know about most people, but I think my natural reaction to something like that would be to wait for a minute, deciding whether it's my problem to worry about.
But I was a lifeguard for several years. And as a lifeguard, you're trained to jump into action instantly, to run toward the danger.
Being a lifeguard is certainly not as dramatic as being a firefighter or EMT or anything, but in some ways, I think it requires the most diligence focus, the most readiness, and an unusual kind of decisiveness. EMTs and firefighters get a call; something very obvious says, "GO RIGHT NOW."
As a lifeguard, on the other hand, your sign to jump into action is often both far subtler and much more ambiguous: a dark area on the bottom of the a crowded pool; someone who is swimming laps, but instead of being horizontal in the water, they're somewhat diagonal. And if you're not fully alert and diligently watching, you'll miss these things.
And then you have to make your own call; at every moment you are deciding whether what you're seeing indicates that it's time to jump into action. And the time between the warning sign and the moment you must to make the decision to jump, you have at most a few seconds. There's no time to ask, "Is that person in the area of the pool I'm watching, or is the other guard supposed to cover them?"
You just go.
And while the opportunities to jump during my daily life are far less frequent than they are as a lifeguard, they do happen. And as someone who has the training (First Aid, CPR, etc.), I think I want to be the kind of person who fosters that readiness and decisiveness, a visceral inclination to run toward the danger. So even though no one is usually hurt on my corner, it's the perfect training ground for when the warning sign of real need appears.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Impulses are not Debt
Impulses are not debt.
One of the greatest lies ever to plague humanity is that impulses are kind of account balance, and if you pay them down every once in a while, you can keep them under control.
It seems like an okay idea, in the short term. If I have the impulse to eat ice cream, and then I eat ice cream, I'm free from that impulse for a while. It seems that I've paid it down, and I'll be free until the balance has time to build up again.
But if every time I have the impulse to eat ice cream, I indulge (in order to pay off down my impulse balance, I tell myself), I will very soon find that not only do I weigh 30 extra pounds, but my impulse to eat ice cream is coming more often, and is harder to resist when it hits.
On the other hand, if I deny the impulse to eat ice cream each time it arrises, I will soon find that I crave it less often, and that I am more capable of resisting the craving. Indeed, I will find myself more free, my actions not being so dictated by my impulses, than I was when I was "freely" indulging my ice cream craving.
And I think this understanding of freedom can be extrapolated. I am only free to break a cinderblock with the side of my hand if I put in the time and effort to train myself to do it. Likewise, only if I spend the time to maintain a healthy relationship with my friend, will I be free to see what's really going on in his life.
These are natural consequences, and we do not question them. And yet somehow, we expect more freedom and with responsibility in other areas of our lives.
One of the greatest lies ever to plague humanity is that impulses are kind of account balance, and if you pay them down every once in a while, you can keep them under control.
It seems like an okay idea, in the short term. If I have the impulse to eat ice cream, and then I eat ice cream, I'm free from that impulse for a while. It seems that I've paid it down, and I'll be free until the balance has time to build up again.
But if every time I have the impulse to eat ice cream, I indulge (in order to pay off down my impulse balance, I tell myself), I will very soon find that not only do I weigh 30 extra pounds, but my impulse to eat ice cream is coming more often, and is harder to resist when it hits.
On the other hand, if I deny the impulse to eat ice cream each time it arrises, I will soon find that I crave it less often, and that I am more capable of resisting the craving. Indeed, I will find myself more free, my actions not being so dictated by my impulses, than I was when I was "freely" indulging my ice cream craving.
And I think this understanding of freedom can be extrapolated. I am only free to break a cinderblock with the side of my hand if I put in the time and effort to train myself to do it. Likewise, only if I spend the time to maintain a healthy relationship with my friend, will I be free to see what's really going on in his life.
These are natural consequences, and we do not question them. And yet somehow, we expect more freedom and with responsibility in other areas of our lives.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
It's Just Like Me
So, we're back to a story post, but this one involves no cars.
This year, I attended Breathe Festival, which is more or less a church retreat/worship festival. It was my second year going. Today, the band was up on stage playing some worship songs at the end of one teaching, and some people came up front for prayer. I went up, to pray for people as well, but all the guys already had people praying for them. So I was just staying at front, in case someone else came up.
And then I saw someone I recognized. I wasn't sure, but I thought that I'd prayed for him one year ago, during my first year at Breathe. He'd told me his name was either Craig of Greg; I asked him as many times as I could within reason, but the music was too loud for me to hear clearly. Anyway, he asked me to pray for healing; he described his condition as his whole colon being one big ulcer.
Anyway, I'd continued to pray for him until the beginning of September, but I hadn't seen him since that day at Breathe. So I hurried over.
Him: Do you want prayer?
Me: No. I recognize you. I think I prayed for you last year. Is your name Craig?
Him: Greg. I thought I recognized you, but I wasn't sure.
Me: I never got to hear: what happened to you?
Him: You healed me.
Me: What?
Him: The first time you prayed for me, nothing happened. The second time, I felt a shock go through my collar bones and down my spine.
Me: And you haven't had any problems since?
Him: No.
He told me that he'd had the condition medically confirmed. He really was healed.
I've always believed God was capable of miracles, and I've been convinced in the past few years that He still does them, but I'm still blown away. This is unreal.
Anyway, when I finished talking to him, I went back off to the side and I couldn't help but laugh.
It's just like me to be used by God to heal someone, without even getting their name right!
This year, I attended Breathe Festival, which is more or less a church retreat/worship festival. It was my second year going. Today, the band was up on stage playing some worship songs at the end of one teaching, and some people came up front for prayer. I went up, to pray for people as well, but all the guys already had people praying for them. So I was just staying at front, in case someone else came up.
And then I saw someone I recognized. I wasn't sure, but I thought that I'd prayed for him one year ago, during my first year at Breathe. He'd told me his name was either Craig of Greg; I asked him as many times as I could within reason, but the music was too loud for me to hear clearly. Anyway, he asked me to pray for healing; he described his condition as his whole colon being one big ulcer.
Anyway, I'd continued to pray for him until the beginning of September, but I hadn't seen him since that day at Breathe. So I hurried over.
Him: Do you want prayer?
Me: No. I recognize you. I think I prayed for you last year. Is your name Craig?
Him: Greg. I thought I recognized you, but I wasn't sure.
Me: I never got to hear: what happened to you?
Him: You healed me.
Me: What?
Him: The first time you prayed for me, nothing happened. The second time, I felt a shock go through my collar bones and down my spine.
Me: And you haven't had any problems since?
Him: No.
He told me that he'd had the condition medically confirmed. He really was healed.
I've always believed God was capable of miracles, and I've been convinced in the past few years that He still does them, but I'm still blown away. This is unreal.
Anyway, when I finished talking to him, I went back off to the side and I couldn't help but laugh.
It's just like me to be used by God to heal someone, without even getting their name right!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Faith in People
So, this is a very different kind of post for me. It's not a story at all, but something that I wanted to say, and rather than making a different blog just for this, I figured I may as well just use the existing one.
I have faith in Urban Meyer. I trust that the Buckeye's head coach will lead my alma mater's football team to another undefeated season. I don't have control over the outcome of next season, but I trust that he will do what he can to win games. I'm not an "orthodox" Buckeye: I don't subscribe to the idea that I should root for whoever is playing Michigan. I know some other Buckeye's think that's blasphemy, but honestly, it doesn't reflect well on you if your rival is a doormat. But what binds me to this buckeye nation is an interest in seeing the Bucks succeed, and a trust that Urban Meyer will try to make that happen.
In high school, I had faith in Mr. Spears. I trusted that if I needed to know how to find the volume of a solid of revolution to pass the AP Calculus exam, he would make sure I was ready for that. Going into my senior year, I didn't know which tools I would need to pass the test, and even if I had, I wouldn't have known how to use them. But Mr. Spears had already been my teacher for three other math classes, and I knew he would get me through AP Calc as well.
I have faith in my wife. I trust that if she tells me something (and I'm listening; I have trouble with that) then it's true. I know she's not perfect, but my relationship with her leads me to have faith in her. When I left for Honduras for two weeks (I'll have to post about that soon), I knew that she would be waiting eagerly for me to get back. There's any number of things I could say I knew she wouldn't do while I was away, but most of them would seem like an insult for even mentioning, because our relationship gives me such a strong reason to trust her.
I have faith in Jesus Christ. I trust that when He says He will never leave me or forsake me, He won't. I trust that even if it seems like He has, He's still present, working in ways I wasn't expecting; I trust Him because I talk to Him and He talks back. I know that there is plenty wrong with the world, but He said that God's kingdom is at hand, and He hasn't lied to me yet.
I trust that if I keep following Him, He'll slowly shape me into the person I want to be, the person I know I ought to be. I don't really know what the good life looks like, and even if I did, I wouldn't know how to get there. But He's led me through 22 years so far, and I've come a long way already, so I trust that He'll transform me into the man I was meant to be.
I also trust that He is ultimately the victor of this eon-long war between good and evil. I know there's not much I can do about the outcome of this war, but I trust that He will not rest until the last shred of evil and sorrow is gone from the world. And I don't adhere to every doctrine, but that's okay, because what ultimately matters is that I know and have faith in the person Jesus Christ.
I have faith in Urban Meyer. I trust that the Buckeye's head coach will lead my alma mater's football team to another undefeated season. I don't have control over the outcome of next season, but I trust that he will do what he can to win games. I'm not an "orthodox" Buckeye: I don't subscribe to the idea that I should root for whoever is playing Michigan. I know some other Buckeye's think that's blasphemy, but honestly, it doesn't reflect well on you if your rival is a doormat. But what binds me to this buckeye nation is an interest in seeing the Bucks succeed, and a trust that Urban Meyer will try to make that happen.
In high school, I had faith in Mr. Spears. I trusted that if I needed to know how to find the volume of a solid of revolution to pass the AP Calculus exam, he would make sure I was ready for that. Going into my senior year, I didn't know which tools I would need to pass the test, and even if I had, I wouldn't have known how to use them. But Mr. Spears had already been my teacher for three other math classes, and I knew he would get me through AP Calc as well.
I have faith in my wife. I trust that if she tells me something (and I'm listening; I have trouble with that) then it's true. I know she's not perfect, but my relationship with her leads me to have faith in her. When I left for Honduras for two weeks (I'll have to post about that soon), I knew that she would be waiting eagerly for me to get back. There's any number of things I could say I knew she wouldn't do while I was away, but most of them would seem like an insult for even mentioning, because our relationship gives me such a strong reason to trust her.
I have faith in Jesus Christ. I trust that when He says He will never leave me or forsake me, He won't. I trust that even if it seems like He has, He's still present, working in ways I wasn't expecting; I trust Him because I talk to Him and He talks back. I know that there is plenty wrong with the world, but He said that God's kingdom is at hand, and He hasn't lied to me yet.
I trust that if I keep following Him, He'll slowly shape me into the person I want to be, the person I know I ought to be. I don't really know what the good life looks like, and even if I did, I wouldn't know how to get there. But He's led me through 22 years so far, and I've come a long way already, so I trust that He'll transform me into the man I was meant to be.
I also trust that He is ultimately the victor of this eon-long war between good and evil. I know there's not much I can do about the outcome of this war, but I trust that He will not rest until the last shred of evil and sorrow is gone from the world. And I don't adhere to every doctrine, but that's okay, because what ultimately matters is that I know and have faith in the person Jesus Christ.
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