Impulses are not Debt

Impulses are not debt.

One of the greatest lies ever to plague humanity is that impulses are kind of account balance, and if you pay them down every once in a while, you can keep them under control.

It seems like an okay idea, in the short term. If I have the impulse to eat ice cream, and then I eat ice cream, I'm free from that impulse for a while. It seems that I've paid it down, and I'll be free until the balance has time to build up again.

But if every time I have the impulse to eat ice cream, I indulge (in order to pay off down my impulse balance, I tell myself), I will very soon find that not only do I weigh 30 extra pounds, but my impulse to eat ice cream is coming more often, and is harder to resist when it hits.

On the other hand, if I deny the impulse to eat ice cream each time it arrises, I will soon find that I crave it less often, and that I am more capable of resisting the craving. Indeed, I will find myself more free, my actions not being so dictated by my impulses, than I was when I was "freely" indulging my ice cream craving.

And I think this understanding of freedom can be extrapolated. I am only free to break a cinderblock with the side of my hand if I put in the time and effort to train myself to do it. Likewise, only if I spend the time to maintain a healthy relationship with my friend, will I be free to see what's really going on in his life.

These are natural consequences, and we do not question them. And yet somehow, we expect more freedom and with responsibility in other areas of our lives.

It's Just Like Me

So, we're back to a story post, but this one involves no cars.

This year, I attended Breathe Festival, which is more or less a church retreat/worship festival. It was my second year going. Today, the band was up on stage playing some worship songs at the end of one teaching, and some people came up front for prayer. I went up, to pray for people as well, but all the guys already had people praying for them. So I was just staying at front, in case someone else came up.

And then I saw someone I recognized. I wasn't sure, but I thought that I'd prayed for him one year ago, during my first year at Breathe. He'd told me his name was either Craig of Greg; I asked him as many times as I could within reason, but the music was too loud for me to hear clearly. Anyway, he asked me to pray for healing; he described his condition as his whole colon being one big ulcer.

Anyway, I'd continued to pray for him until the beginning of September, but I hadn't seen him since that day at Breathe. So I hurried over.

Him: Do you want prayer?

Me: No. I recognize you. I think I prayed for you last year. Is your name Craig?

Him: Greg. I thought I recognized you, but I wasn't sure.

Me: I never got to hear: what happened to you?

Him: You healed me.

Me: What?

Him: The first time you prayed for me, nothing happened. The second time, I felt a shock go through my collar bones and down my spine.

Me: And you haven't had any problems since?

Him: No.

He told me that he'd had the condition medically confirmed. He really was healed.

I've always believed God was capable of miracles, and I've been convinced in the past few years that He still does them, but I'm still blown away. This is unreal.

Anyway, when I finished talking to him, I went back off to the side and I couldn't help but laugh.


It's just like me to be used by God to heal someone, without even getting their name right!

Faith in People

So, this is a very different kind of post for me. It's not a story at all, but something that I wanted to say, and rather than making a different blog just for this, I figured I may as well just use the existing one.

I have faith in Urban Meyer. I trust that the Buckeye's head coach will lead my alma mater's football team to another undefeated season. I don't have control over the outcome of next season, but I trust that he will do what he can to win games. I'm not an "orthodox" Buckeye: I don't subscribe to the idea that I should root for whoever is playing Michigan. I know some other Buckeye's think that's blasphemy, but honestly, it doesn't reflect well on you if your rival is a doormat. But what binds me to this buckeye nation is an interest in seeing the Bucks succeed, and a trust that Urban Meyer will try to make that happen.

In high school, I had faith in Mr. Spears. I trusted that if I needed to know how to find the volume of a solid of revolution to pass the AP Calculus exam, he would make sure I was ready for that. Going into my senior year, I didn't know which tools I would need to pass the test, and even if I had, I wouldn't have known how to use them. But Mr. Spears had already been my teacher for three other math classes, and I knew he would get me through AP Calc as well.

I have faith in my wife. I trust that if she tells me something (and I'm listening; I have trouble with that) then it's true. I know she's not perfect, but my relationship with her leads me to have faith in her. When I left for Honduras for two weeks (I'll have to post about that soon), I knew that she would be waiting eagerly for me to get back. There's any number of things I could say I knew she wouldn't do while I was away, but most of them would seem like an insult for even mentioning, because our relationship gives me such a strong reason to trust her.

I have faith in Jesus Christ. I trust that when He says He will never leave me or forsake me, He won't. I trust that even if it seems like He has, He's still present, working in ways I wasn't expecting; I trust Him because I talk to Him and He talks back. I know that there is plenty wrong with the world, but He said that God's kingdom is at hand, and He hasn't lied to me yet.

I trust that if I keep following Him, He'll slowly shape me into the person I want to be, the person I know I ought to be. I don't really know what the good life looks like, and even if I did, I wouldn't know how to get there. But He's led me through 22 years so far, and I've come a long way already, so I trust that He'll transform me into the man I was meant to be.

I also trust that He is ultimately the victor of this eon-long war between good and evil. I know there's not much I can do about the outcome of this war, but I trust that He will not rest until the last shred of evil and sorrow is gone from the world. And I don't adhere to every doctrine, but that's okay, because what ultimately matters is that I know and have faith in the person Jesus Christ.